Partners in Crime

So every time I have a bad idea... I have this voice in my head that's egging me on.

Nay it isn't John (Reference to previous schizo post in Warped World)

Its someone who's playful and a complete devil.

Go for it he says.

Every time I have an incredibly stupid idea..I feel him doing a little dance in my head.

He might as well be doing the limbo and doing tequila shots off a Las Vegas hooker draped by one of those purple frilly thingy's

The cautious side of me is clearly his nemesis.

The practical side of me his enemy.

'Think with your heart man.

Monkey around, go for it...Jump

What's the worst that could happen?

Jump and you may land badly ... and you might have a sore bum.

What's a little bruise between friends?'

He's convinced me to jump so many times...

I've been up to mischief more times than I could care to count

I've had more bad ideas than good...

I've made a mess of things and not known how to undo the damage after..

But I think I've thoroughly enjoyed all my mistakes...

I've had so much more perspective because of it.

My accomplice he never fails me...

If there's a chance that things can go wrong...he'll help me make sure that they do..

But I usually learn from all of them...

Indeedy I do :)

When it rains ... it pours

One day ...it'll make sense and some day it'll be worth it...

For now ...it's something to live through and endure and then remind yourself that it's for the best and that you will be stronger , wiser and happier for it someday.

Until then walk in the storm... and enjoy it even and know that someday even the storm will have it's purpose and it would have served you well.

Everyday is a test.

Fort Knox

You don't have the keys to my mind.
It's lost within me... seek it out if you care...
You'll leave disappointed..

I'm trapped inside
Its better that way.

I'm alone at last. My thoughts and I.
I wonder which will die first.

I'm alone today, as I will ever be.
I've run a fool's errand..

I crave comfort.
But I only get it from the man in the mirror.
My only friend.
My real friend.

My door's locked.
I'm in for the long haul.

I'm fort knox.
I'm built to hold, to keep.
To safeguard.
That's where it will be. Within me.

I'm Fort Knox.
No one gets in.

Communicating in greek is difficult

Gibberish would be merciful. For the recipients of my banter

I rarely come across people who listen to what I have to say, the rest they just nod or grunt after 'hearing' my words. Pretenders- the rubbish lot.

I've come across a draught
There are no listeners, only speakers.
Every one wants a word in.
Sentences repetitive and mundane.
The same boring conversation.
Nothing interesting . Nothing to offer.
Then I decide to talk and they look at me as though I were mad or alien or as though they lack comprehension.

Must I always speak a language they can't understand?
Should I always be unheard because I speak as though I were of a different land?
Should I give them words that they will understand?
Or do I continue a rant that is unfathomable .
Am I limiting myself by talking like them...
Or are they limiting themselves by not listening....
Such is the nature of my conversation and dilemma..

Call me crazy...
But you don't interest me..
Call me eccentric and I will forgive your idiocy
Call me looney and I will compliment your tenacity for lack of perspective...

Isn't there anyone who can understand my language..?


I can tell you a lot of things...
But none of them you will understand....

So I might just say..Up yours...
And while I say it with a smile..
you will buy my words as a compliment
such is your plight.

Touche'

I'm not special....but I can express in more ways than you could comprehend.
You are not special either....so go on scratch your head..try and get it..
go on
try.

If you took this rant literally you are a fool....
If you understood it..really understood it..then you're still not cool...
My language is no secret...
It's just different.

*Written out of frustration due to a severe lack of stimulating conversation'

If you don't understand it..all of this...
Ask me about it..
I'll tell you...

and then if you still don't get it..............................................


May be I'll just listen to you... and let you entertain me.

A Lion's path

Sometimes it takes a moment to put everything into perspective

Everything is right there, and yet we don't see it because we don't live in the present.

We never do. We're either busy living in the past or planning for our future.

Our present is lost to us. Its overlooked, ignored and taken for granted.

We shockingly pay attention to our present only when something really good or bad happens to us. Otherwise its just a time slot.

I think this ridiculous notion of the present being treated as a platform to get off from the old train and get on to the new one is one of our greatest mistakes, a mistake we seldom realize that we are making. So many moments I have missed out on by simply looking back and glancing forward.

I will try henceforth to appreciate the present

I will try to better myself each day

I will try to be all that I can be

I will try to live my life the way it should be

Change is constant and change can be chosen...the outcomes can be decided.

Tis never too late

Tis never too early

Tis only the beginning....so far from the end

Tis never to late...for anything that is broken to mend

Kingdoms to be created

Stories to be written

Dreams ripe for the picking

With this thought I am sticking.

This is it.

Dan Millman in The way of the peaceful warrior said-

'Where are you'?

Answer- 'Here'

'What Time is it'?

Answer- 'Now'

'What are you'?

Answer- 'This moment'

It can't end this way...Its not right. It was supposed to be different

Its easier to live in fantasy. Because you can control the outcome.

I can only assume that there is some sort of a plan here.
Some safety net that isn't visible at the moment
I hear songs about walnut trees on tuesday afternoons and feel utterly unsettled thanks to
the weird predicament I seem to find myself time and time again in.

I was going through some old e-mails recently ... they were from a different time.
A time when things that are now right were wrong and that are now wrong were right.
So this clearly shows that time travel is possible.... even if not in the way we imagine it.
Still one thing remains.... You can't go back and change anything.
Sometimes I really wonder about everything and wonder if its all some out of control play
with a relentlessly unpredictable script and pathetic direction.

The irony of it all is just lost on me. Why is that there is room only for the bad ironic situations?
Where are the good 1's? Are there good 1's?
I've never maintained a diary.... I sometimes wish I did.
It would help me realize what an idiot I have been at times and may be remind me to be careful and not make the same mistakes again. Perhaps I just have to rely on my impeccable judgment now (heh).

I have no control over what is happening around me... even if I have a fair amount of control over myself..I still can't control all the changes that I have to go through.
Acceptance they say is the first step. I hate 'them' ..whoever 'they' are...filthy know it alls.
So may be I just have to wait for certain things to happen and hope that I have enough strength to get through them when they inevitably play out.

Such is life... creates a mirage that it is your life your living....

Its easy to live in fantasy, because you can control the outcome

Trouble is I think my reality is someone else's fantasy.
My world is someone else's dream.

Bronze Medal

'Good God You've had an interesting life'
said one of my newer friends as she saw old pictures and videos.
'You seem happy'. 'You really do'.

And I was. Amidst the chaos and confusion that one experiences in their teenage
I was happy. I had my drama and I had my tragedies and yet I found that I could get through it all.
Because I had my people.

It started with 3 or 4 of them. We were tight.
We felt the world was ours to pillage.
We were untouchable.
The little band grew. We were more in number and yet connected.

I met some girls... a couple of them paved their way into my life
engraved their names in my heart for ever.

Then I met the love of my life.
I met her friends, we got along.

I left for a bit..met new people...I made more friends...the circle grew.
I came back and found I lost a few... lost a few and they were gone.
Tried to save it, I tried so hard...but they stayed gone.

I left again for a bit.
I met new people yet again.
They grew on me...one by one.
I never felt I'd feel so strongly for a bunch that way again.

Then I came back and realized things had changed..
Like they always do...
I was betrayed by a special few...
I felt abandoned
I felt neglected.
Things had changed.
The cocoon was broken.
No butterfly did fly out.

There was a time that we swore to be there
We tried our best to fix each others broken hearts
We loaned each other money to buy a sandwich
We sang and laughed and fought and cried
We sat in silence without feeling awkward
We slept , resting our heads on each others shoulders
We motivated
We poked fun
We raced
We cheered
We would never be done
Our endless conversation
Our lovely interaction
Our mobility, our rhythm
Our style, the magnificent groove
Our finishing each others sentences
Our playing pranks, our pointless worries
Our sharing of dreams
Our candid pictures and even the one's where we posed.
Our lovely childhood, Our untainted relationships
Our midnight b'day cake visits
Our pooling in for the presents
Our road trips
Our lazy afternoons

Our Stay overs

Our Adventures

Our Stories

Our Rides

Our Music

Our History
Our drinking
Our passions
Our compassion
Our complaints

Our growth.

I still hold onto memories
Those glorious days...
When the band and I were invincible

We challenged life...

Life hit back...

We didn't have a chance.