My mind has a body of its own

Spooky times.

As if frozen in a spiraling dimension heading toward inconsequential abyss

I see a world matted with grey finish.

Its an incredible feeling watching out of a window and seeing a world spinning carelessly at a pace that makes the ground we walk upon shaky and unstable

We live each day hoping our respective lives amount to something essential

For ourselves and our need for self-actualization. Maslow that smart bugger.

Im a looney in that order. My mind is a constant chaotic realm in which a crazy person or warped entity seeks solace in a cocoon fancied by a dreamer.

I find it difficult to share the outside world, with everyone else.

One because people are annoying. I hate them.

Two because I am people. So I need other people to fulfill my social needs

Man is a social animal. Yuh, thats right.

Im pretty comfortable with myself. So I can spend enough time with myself and not miss the world.

For the world of course I have John*. For those of you who understood good. For those of you who haven't read my previous posts never mind. Think of it as a coping mechanism.

I feel relieved because I have this outlet at my disposal

It needs to come out somewhere I suppose.

Perhaps if I spoke to people about my ideas, they'd throw me in a straight jacket

I can only reveal so much

It wouldn't be healthy if I became a tad bit passionate in a conversation and let myself go.

I am not trying to create a mystery about myself. No I am not trying to intrigue you.

I have no such ambition. But I definitely am a street cat that sings on the fence.

And as I carefully avoid the pots and things that you throw at me to stop me from singing or meowing...

I find that I manage to evade with surprising ease.

Rise. Shine.

There are somedays when nothing significant happens

And yet you wake up the same way, and somehow something's different

I think to truly appreciate your self you have to first loose or be ready to loose everything

And this is the important thing- Be ok with it.

There are days that feel like eras and moments that feel like lifetimes

When you are truly looking for yourself, you will not quit until you find yourself or at least a certain version of yourself.

Everyone I believe is a mystery . Especially to themselves.

We can end up being whatever and these are a result of our choices.

Our choices come from our own perception of reality, influencing factors and our own idea of our potential.

Do we truly know though? Do we truly know what we are capable off?

Why should we limit ourselves?

Why not keep looking?

Why be content or satisfied?

True the real world puts fences up for us. We are restricted in many ways.

We have time and resource constraints. But I still think we can do more.

Why not push ourselves to be what we are truly capable off ? Why not go the distance?

How badly do you want something? And how much passion are you going to go after it with?

These are important questions I have started asking myself

Its good to ask questions. Because without questions...no one really thinks of answers

I rejoice in the fact that I have realized that my potential is limitless

and more importantly undetermined. I have to prove only to myself. I want to be all I can be ....only for myself.

Call me selfish. Call me crazy.

Call me what you want.

This boy is waking up.

From the deepest slumber there is.

Fairy tales are over.

But the magic has only begun.

The Perfect Storm

We were caught and thrown

Twisted and blown

Hail and thunder striking in turns

Splat, bam, kaboom

A perfect storm its been

I remember it like yesterday

When I saw you walk toward me

That was the calm

Then as we spoke

The rumbling began

It began to rain

We ran for cover

Took shelter, but in vain

The wind blew with outstanding force

Just as our eyes met

The nearby window banged against the wall

And just as the shards hit the ground

We stood there facing one another in a trance

Tug and pull

Inside, out

Lightning soon

Then after a while I touched you too

Twisters formed and waltzed with the gale

The fury they brought

Dust in our eyes

Visibility gone

But hands together

I could feel your breath

Saw your eyes closed

I followed suit

The wind brought the rain...

It hit us hard

Our hands clasped tightly...

I pulled you toward me

You came and you stayed

But the hail bruised us silly

The twisters came too... spinning uncontrollably

I felt you leave my grip..

I held on with all my strength

Then we broke

Separated.... and you were gone

I smashed against a tree

And as I held onto the bark

I saw you spiraling away

We were close

We were together

And now were separated

And in that moment

That painful pause...The future seemed unreasonable

The night seemed starless

The ground marshy

And everything crumbled

What choice did we have,

We never recovered

It came for us then....

The Perfect Storm.

Lullaby for Batliboi

There's a girl i know

Cool as snow

She runs through the day

She's made of clay

Her form magnificent

Her laughter consistent

I write a lullaby for this child

Who's heart is wild

She's a thinker this one

Oodles of fun

Big girl pants

She lives in the city

Has big plans

All bundled up in her kitty

Creative perhaps

But in between naps

I wonder when she dreams

Is the world more magical

When she wakes up...is it an escape..a sabbatical ?

Perhaps she's free at mind

But what of heart?

There's been more to the girl right from the start

She moves on a different plane

Her rhythm is new

Not many can keep up, only a few.

She looks great in shades

She calls a spade a spade

She's funny to the bone

Humor in the zone

I could tell she's a spitfire

A free spirit or longing to be

But perhaps thats not for us to know...not for us to see

So i close the door behind me

As she shuts her eyes gently

A whole day ahead of her

A world of possibility

But tonight she rests

And dreams of the best

And as a smile spreads across her face

The curtains flutter..to keep pace.

And in the silence of the night

She becomes one , at peace .

What a sight :)

Because I promised I would :)

A Vagabond's Tale

Traveling at night beneath stars that gossip

Withered leaves on grounds collective

Flask to hip tied tight with trick rope

The Vagabond trots along with optimistic hope

Hat on head

Mind on bed

Heart red

He gathers the world as he moves

He takes in sights, first bites of new food and new fragrances galore

People fascinate him and yet he finds he is happy being an observer

because people always let you down

Being an outsider is like comfort food

His mind has whispers probing him to be part of the carnival

But he's never been to fond of the act

And then there are the clowns that wear creepy colors

Too loud for his taste

The future as he lies on open meadows seems naturally abundant

Not because of gypsy promise...

But he trusts in the magic of the world

And the power of will, which like his flask is tied...but this to his heart

And as he walks over the hill,

Alone and vary he looks down at the city's skyline

Almost as if he misses it..

Being a part of something is always enticing

But perhaps being one with self is balance arriving

This journey is not to belong

But a yearning to be strong

This path is not paved with good intentions,

But rather of potential inventions

One thing about the vagabond you must know,

He belongs to no one and yet the whole world.........................

is his.

The Blue Rose's rarity

Sacred pacts down memory lane

Untouchable oath...we were insane

On the sand we ran...naked feet

Cruising oars of boats we'd greet

Up i looked upon the sky...

The moon I want I said with a sigh

He smiled and waved with a castle prepared

The way he built em ...even the waves they cared

I felt at ease...

No sudden pain

I looked at him... saw no gain

No greed , no glory

Just a simple story

Two boys we were who ran and sang

Olden times it began with a bang

We ran together on beaches plenty

Until we were both something twenty

Shells collected in our pouches alike

To hear the ocean when we like

We saw the stars gleam at night

Man we said what a sight!

But the moon was mine

For all of nine

I looked at her eagerly there

She lay with the stars who all took care

The stars invisible behind the clouds

I looked around...but not a sound

I saw my moon shining bright

Then I saw him silent and i felt a chill...a fright'

He stared at her with longing eyes

My moon he saw with bathed sighs

There I was I saw it all

The pouch with the shells they all did fall

The new box

So the first decade swept by

Took with it the innocence i held onto like a safety blanket being torn away

I am stark naked now..... My flesh visible to the world

My eyes heavy with all thats gone by..my ears deafer than before ..cause now I just don't want to listen anymore

Im tired of searching and hoping for things that elude me with a defiance any rebel would be proud of

How do I make peace with it all...

Ah to hell with it. I have survived everything thats been thrown at me so far. I will continue.

Not saying I've had it bad....but u know how it is...everyone thinks they've got it bad.

So true to that...I like to say yeah man I survived. According to the Mayans next year is our last.

If that is true then this year better be a kickass one.

Or not whatever. I have no expectations, however I will try to get what I want...not in the ways Ive used before....because if those ways were correct...I would have received what I want.

So many things puzzle me. Its a scary place standing in front of this new box. The flap is wide open and its quite empty. I have to start filling again. Yeesh. I hope I do a better , more organised job this time.

For the last box was amazing and I do not regret its contents....

But for this one I am wiser....

And assume myself to be a better packer.....

All I need now is some tape to hold the box together.

And steady hands.

The new box is empty and hence promising.