15 minutes to October

September !! What a month.

The amount of posts I've put up would give out the impression that I am a prolific writer.

I don't know If I would accept that accusation.

But I do know this...never before have I written so much, about so many different things at such great frequency and such intensity.

I surprised myself. September totally dominated my Blog man. The other months got owned!

There could be several reasons for this. None of which I am comfortable discussing with you.

But know this ...its not that I've found a new muse...its probably that I lost an old one.

My rubbish only makes sense to me most of the time...I'm not sure why some of you even bother reading what I write. But If I were a third person and this were someone else's blog then I'd have read it . But yeh I'm a lil nuts like that.

So there's barely enough time for this month to end. The month of inspiration should I call it?

Naw too dramatic. The month of psycho babble at its best perhaps. An applause for all events that led to my burst in 'creativity' and cheers to all of you who decided to read my rants.

Only one thing comes to mind...October is a screwed bitch. How the hell is it gna man up and take it to September?? Oh well I'll worry about that tomorrow.

or in about four minutes. anyhoo this is the last bit for sept 2010. Quite a month you've been

My words owe ya gratitude. The rest of the year can wait.

A nation waits

30/9/10

A verdict that has been coming for 60 years. It is expected any moment now.

Today is judgment day. Two sections of the society warred over a location they claimed belonged to their 'god'.

A lot of blood spill later and a lot of disharmony that rocked the biggest democracy in the world.

Our secular country was brought to a standstill. Today yet again we all await a verdict with bated breath.

Its not just the judgment of the long impending case by the High Court.

But More so about the decision of the people.

The decision of the people to keep the peace.

Peace is a responsibility. Peace is necessary. Peace is the call of the hour.

Today we will find out just how 'great' our nation is.

Today we have the chance to move away from the 3rd world tag.

Today we get to show our progress and growth.

Today we get to show our unity and strength.

Today we get to show our solidarity and secularism.

Today can be a fantastic day. Its our choice.

Hope my country chooses well.

I opened a door, a little madness came out.

I never let myself go completely

Always guarded. A lot of people would agree.

I recently wrote about the walls people put up

I have always been a private person. I've never let anyone know the really important things.

I am happier that way. When I was a lil kid I had my toys. My companions who knew me well.

Then there were my dogs. They knew me better.

I never warmed upto people much. I can sure as hell talk to them.

I can befriend them. I just don't like them. So I never let them in.

They don't even know it.

Theres so much more to me I've come to realize. Things I had forgotten

This year has been all about accidental soul searching and systematic filtering.

I have learnt harsh lessons and gained immense perspective.

I recently discovered that I have become fond of kids.

I used to get irritated with them before, but strangely I've become fond of them.

I listen to my current favorite track at least once a day

I play background music in my head when I see a dramatic situation unfolding in front of me.

I have no idea what I'm going to write about before I start any post.

I hope to someday build a hospital for animals who are horribly neglected in our country.

I am my worst critic

I love montage reels

My day dreams are ridiculous but cannot compare to my actual dreams

I could eat Pizza at any time of the day.

The above information is of no consequence to u.

But this is the information I felt like sharing today. Just because.

I like to open the door a little ...on some days.

After all everyone is allowed a little madness and a lil confession.

Until next time.

Walls

Thud!

How often have you been slammed into a brick wall that doesn't waver or give an inch.

I've locked horns with one before and lost. Badly. Bruised et all.

Then I found a door...not to get through that wall to the other side mind you.

But to get out of that place. To run on an open field.

Then I saw it. A beautiful field of flowers.

I ran towards it, just as I promised I would.

And Thud!

A wall again.

It seems every time I let go off myself..I find a brick , unforgivable wall waiting for me

I am a prisoner .

I might never cross over.

But I am tired of banging against these walls. Tired.

I will build my own now and be a miserable king.

Sail

I am viciously heading toward a feeling of not belonging

With no sense of identity at present, I feel like a branded outcast on all counts.

If you could feature me on the front page of a magazine, I would be the guy a lotta ppl knew or got along with once upon a time.

Today I am a mystery even to myself. I hardly know myself anymore.

My brain feverishly attempts to work against my heart.

I hope the brain wins this fight. My hearts done me no good so far.

I am prepared to be alone. But i don't know what I will do once I get there.

Loneliness is a leech thats been sucking on my blood for sometime.

Holding me hostage. Put out a ransom. But no one wants to buy my freedom.

And as I struggle with knots and my wrists bare the effective friction marks of tight rope

I settle down, at least in my mind to recollect all the wonderful times and am grateful.

So far its been colorful and unpredictable.

I am perhaps stronger after multiple blows and am adept to face the world.

I am drawn unto the black hole of Karma as it swindles and twirls around in an ocean...

that is both endless and without horizon.

Some days I settle quite well into everyday life...

On other days I wish to just borrow a boat, raise a flag

and set sail.

Perhaps someday I will have a destination to get to.

Until then I will watch the water, show me my reflection as it lies still to project my image without ripple.

For a girl

The stars on this day will align perfectly

As will the moon...

And as the moonlight falls upon you which is our night sky's natural spotlight...

Your aura will spread right through ...

And this night will endure your grandeur

as best as it can.

Happy b'day Miss G. 17/09/10.

Faceless

She crept upon me silently

As I stood by the moonlight at my bedroom window.

Her physical presence lacking, but I felt her breath on my shoulder

'Do you crave the moon'? she asked

'Just her light', I said

'But you have that', she said

'You already have that and you enjoy it'

'Exactly' I said. 'Exactly'

And what off me? she asked...

If you take all the light...do I get darkness?..she asked with a smile

No... of course not...for you I promise the Sun.

She turned around and walked away...couldn't feel her breath anymore

Funny thing...with her, she took mine as well...

And as I stood in the light..breathless

My mind wandered....as did my heart.

My heart the traveler

My mind the vagabond

My night the journey

My moment fleeting

My fate, faceless

Ever forming. Ever being.

God is an Alien- a theory and a reply

To- http://blackabsinthe.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-wish-for-peace-to-families-who-hurt.html

Everyone probably questions. We should all ask questions. But I suppose all of this just comes down to choice.

Truth is more perception than fact I think. At least for a lot of people.

When there are no facts that can accurately explain a phenomenon such as 'How it all began' thats when theory happens. We are comfortable having answers and when we don't get them we bring in theory. Theory opens door to perception and choices. You can either choose to believe something or completely disregard it or simply remain oblivious or apathetic. So whether God exists or not is a relative thing..because if he does then none of us can prove it and if he doesn't then none of us can prove it. At least so far. So what do we do? We are out of our comfort zone...Not having answers is uncomfortable to us because we consider ourselves the dominant more evolved species at least in this galaxy. Theists strongly believe in him and attribute all the good in their lives as a blessing and the bad as his way to teach us or lessons. Atheists are considered more rational and science loving. They like to be assertive and like to take responsibility and credit when something good happens and when something bad happens they like to say 'HA and you say God exists', Bullshit theres so much crap in the world how can he exist.

Greek mythology shows Gods to have very human like qualities. They are flawed like us and not perfect and complete. Ever think that may be God does exist and may be he's just flawed? He's complete right? So may be he's both good and evil packed into one and over the last few decades may be the evil in him has been predominant. Its just a theory.

I like to keep an open mind and refuse to label myself as a theist or atheist. I believe one day we might just find out and in the end just like at the end of the movie Men in Black...our world , our universe is just a marble in a sack of marbles held by an alien. Like aliens there is a lot of debate over the subject's existence....He's as elusive as the lil green men, But perhaps according to theory his anal probing is probably a lot more painful..

May be God's an alien. A real powerful alien who gets his ya ya's from tossing his lil sack of marbles around.

May be not.

Mr. Numbnuts

Ladies and gentlemen...Sometimes we humans the smartest race (supposedly) on the planet prove that evolution is not all that its cracked up to be.

And some men rise to the occasion to prove that very point.

Exibit A- Pastor Terry Jones.

Applause (And clap right...or else he might just burn your personal diary or something)

Thank you Pastor for giving me one more reason to believe that we should have never come down from those trees. My opposable thumb does not so much as rise to the moment as another more symbolic finger does when one mentions your name.

Terry old chap, May Jesus be with you....

And then slap you silly.

Us

Tread carefully is what you've been taught

Be an individual first I agree. Write a story of your journey

After all tis the journey that gets us around.

I'll wait at the destination, holding my breath.

The wind can come and knock me square.

I'll meet you half way. Run towards you.

You take your time and figure out your speed.

I will set my path at my pace.

Baby its no race.

I have everything I need to make it through, except you.

We'll meet at the same place someday...its a date.

Until then you do your thing and I'll do mine.

Its no game. We'd fit perfectly in a frame.

You're gonna make it,

I believe in you.

You're gonna ace it... I can see that too

You're magnificent my eyes don't lie

I see you differently, like no one can

Our journeys will someday intertwine

We run today on parallel roads

Sometimes we catch a glimpse of each other

For me the glimpse is what keeps me going

We're rivers

We flow to the ocean.

We will eventually be.

May be.

Now I will keep silent

I am a solo pilot

You can tell me all

I will never walk away

Our battles we will fight

Baby I'm your man.

I will viciously fight your fears

What chance have your tears?

Let your grievances be known

All that is torn will be sown.

I will listen.

I will hold.

I will support.

I will comfort.

I will protect you.

Now and always.

My girl

I've loved you always.

'In the end love will decide, that the heart won't be denied'- Colin Devlin.

Marshal did it again

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down

Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Letter to no one

You're kidding me right.

U were supposed to be balanced

So many years. So much time.

No one cares about spilled wine.

You're ridiculous.

You're a stain.

I cared in vain

Thank you for the pain.

You were always good at painting me pictures

Confusing me with your bright colours

Impressing me with your dark ones

Crash and burn. We got nowhere.

Whatta sham. A scam artist.

Brilliantly done. Way to go.

U pushed me too far. Goodnight go

You're no one to me

No one I know.

No one important

No one I loved.

And so I leave you picture less.

Courage and cure

I thought it was a new beginning.

But it was an ending. And well that eventually leads to a beginning. Eventually.

Im stuck in limbo now.

Neither here, nor there.

The cure came, when I least expected it.

What I experienced was perhaps not what I was waiting for.

What came was a cure.

A new perspective. 'That isn't it for you' was the message.

I struggled for a long time on a pursuit.

I chased after a mirage, something that was never mean't to be mine.

Almost like a birthright. I thought it was mine to claim.

Nay. Ever come to the point where you've wanted something so bad...

that when you're around it...even if u are restraining yourself...your skin crawls involuntarily

almost seeking out to grab the object of your attention/affection.

I have.

But you know what's ironic. You are also capable of reaching a point, that after wanting something so bad.....you reach a point where you hit saturation. Your skin lies calm.

And then suddenly...just like that. Poof. Its gone. The craving with all its glory is gone.

What then do you make of this predicament ?

Is it considered an unseen cure or is it called giving up?

I think only you can answer that for yourself.

Because in the end the courage to accept facts as they are and not as you think they should be divides the dreamers and the ones who calculate.

It takes balls to accept a fact.

You are a frickin Pinata.

Life is the stick.

Somebody's thrashing.

But get this ...even if ur being thrashed...don't forget you're full of goodies.

A godsend comes in different packages. Some packages we think of as replacements.

But may be we don't get to keep them. They are reminders that there are other packages.

A present with your name on it, is out there somewhere.

It'll come gift wrapped someday...till then strive to deserve it.

A cure can come only with courage.

Courage comes with experience and growth.

Courage helps deal with difficult situations.

Courage reminds of hope.

There is always hope for cure.

Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty says .....' No matter how messy a place can get...you can always clean it up'

Its true.

The fairy tale is over....

But real life can be just as unbelievable.

Tuck me in tonight with a song....

May be tomorrow I'll wake up different.

My Mind

Pant , Pant

My sweat hits the ground..

My heart pumping hard

The scenery whizzes by suddenly

The sunlight hits my eye.

Just breathe.

My voice is steady.

Nothing is written.

What do I want?

Do Vampires exist?

What is the relevance of all these thoughts

Why am I thinking of cotton candy

Images of swings and popcorn

Was it all just a movie...

Who is this girl, why did she become important

This girl out of the blue. How did this happen?

How do I help my friend?

How can I achieve more?... How will it play out.

I want to dance. Right now. I want music

I want music in my bloodstream. Pumping through my veins.

My guitar...will I be able to do wonders with it?

What of the dogs? When will animals be considered important

That girl. Shes new. I can't stop thinking of her. I don't know her at all. Its a secret. Don't tell anyone.

I am dressed in blue...is it because I feel blue? Its not even Monday.

I slept for 4 hours. Im functioning fine.

I have adjusted. Life is an adjustment.

So many quotes on life. What the hell do we know.

Life is relative. Defined by experience.

My spellings are good. My handwriting I hate. My writing , my output.

My muscles are aching...too much exercise...Now then how to challenge the mind?

What comes after tomorrow? If tomorrow will be yesterday, day after... then what off today?

I want to text this girl. I want to know her. why? how?

I crave steak.

Now im hungry.

Sex.

Pleasure.

Faces.

Movement.

Friction.

Penetration...

Relief.

Knowledge so vast. It'll never be enough...

I should leave....make a few calls.....meet some ppl..help a friend...

work tonight. Im already exhausted. I work enough. But I should work more.

May be there should be more hours in the day.

Oh no time...I should really go now.....

But how to end this?

ah got it......

My mind. This should be the title.

The horse symbolic for speed and movement and constant running.

The constant running...not running away.

But Toward. Toward. In that Direction. Toward.

Toward.............................................................................. where are my keys?

The power within

We have it within us.

Its swimming around.

We take what we need...

From the power within.

Even on the darkest days and the coldest night

Those who choose...put up a fight.

We're all capable.

We're made that way, tried and tested.

Even the greatest hurdles with our wills be bested.

Make no mistake

Have faith, don't break.

We make of our lives what we want

Will is good

Dreams are plenty

Nothing is a catch twenty

You are all you need

My words, you should heed

Be the best you can manage

Unleash a deadly carnage

Look within.....

Stare at the glow.

Feel it.

Love it.

The power within.