It can't end this way...Its not right. It was supposed to be different

Its easier to live in fantasy. Because you can control the outcome.

I can only assume that there is some sort of a plan here.
Some safety net that isn't visible at the moment
I hear songs about walnut trees on tuesday afternoons and feel utterly unsettled thanks to
the weird predicament I seem to find myself time and time again in.

I was going through some old e-mails recently ... they were from a different time.
A time when things that are now right were wrong and that are now wrong were right.
So this clearly shows that time travel is possible.... even if not in the way we imagine it.
Still one thing remains.... You can't go back and change anything.
Sometimes I really wonder about everything and wonder if its all some out of control play
with a relentlessly unpredictable script and pathetic direction.

The irony of it all is just lost on me. Why is that there is room only for the bad ironic situations?
Where are the good 1's? Are there good 1's?
I've never maintained a diary.... I sometimes wish I did.
It would help me realize what an idiot I have been at times and may be remind me to be careful and not make the same mistakes again. Perhaps I just have to rely on my impeccable judgment now (heh).

I have no control over what is happening around me... even if I have a fair amount of control over myself..I still can't control all the changes that I have to go through.
Acceptance they say is the first step. I hate 'them' ..whoever 'they' are...filthy know it alls.
So may be I just have to wait for certain things to happen and hope that I have enough strength to get through them when they inevitably play out.

Such is life... creates a mirage that it is your life your living....

Its easy to live in fantasy, because you can control the outcome

Trouble is I think my reality is someone else's fantasy.
My world is someone else's dream.